Confidence in intimacy: communication, comfort and attention

It is possible to feel nervous before a date with someone you find very attractive. You do not need perfect confidence before talking about intimacy. Start with what feels comfortable for each of you, the pace you prefer and how to ask for a pause. Both people should have room for their own feelings.

A conversation that brings you closer

Choose a calm moment and speak from your own perspective: “I want us both to feel comfortable.” Ask what your partner enjoys and give them time to answer. This can help you find a shared pace and understand each other better.

• Avoid comparing either of you with other people’s stories.
• Agree that either person can ask to pause.
• Discuss any product you plan to use openly.
• Afterwards, ask about the experience without demanding a score.

Time is one part of the conversation

EAU assessment of premature ejaculation includes time, perceived control and distress. A stopwatch alone does not establish a diagnosis.

EAU: guidance on ejaculation disorders

Describe what a pleasant evening means to each of you: attention, affection, a relaxed atmosphere or space to speak openly. Different answers are an opportunity to discover each other’s wishes and shape your own experience of intimacy together.

Support when you need it

If difficulties recur and concern you, discuss them with a doctor or qualified psychosexual professional. Simply describe your feelings and questions. Let mutual consent, comfort and what you both enjoy guide your intimate time together.

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